Never

 

holding-on.jpg

I don’t wanna miss you

 

No, not like this . . .

Not in any way . . .

 

But I do

 

I find I could no longer hide

no longer bury this at the back of my mind

It haunts me still

the promises almost kept

 

It haunts me

as if I could do something . . .

as if I were able . . .

 

But I am not

 

You cannot

be with me

 

Not now . . .

Not ever . . .

 

I know that now

As I blink my eyes

and tell myself not to cry

 

 

Beautiful (Catherine)

 

reflection_by_bora

They say you’re different.

 

I have always contested that,

Gotten into verbal wars,

Given up friendships

But now I realize . . .

 

You are different.

 

A heart that loves so fiercely

A soul so brave

 

You are different.

And I realize I shouldn’t have fought them off

Shouldn’t have started battles

Over the truth

 

You are different,

And who would not love someone as dear?

You are different

And I am proud

The way I always have

The way I always will be

 

You are different,

Beautifully so

And I will always love you

 

 

 

Love is Not Pretty (Catherine)

 

 

Love is not pretty. Love is messy.

It UNPRETTYdisappoints and hurts.

Saddens and disillusions

Because it is raw

Unfiltered

Real

 

It brings out the best and the worst in you.

Hardens you and leaves you vulnerable

In its undiluted form,

Love is not what you always thought it would be, what you want it to be.

 

It will scare off those who only wish to hold the roses, not the thorns.

It will tear you  . . . break you

Then it will complete and change you

 

True love is not pretty—it is beautiful.

 

 

Red Balloon (Catherine)

red3

 

There it goes

Slowly making its way up into the sky

A tiny red speck I can barely see now

It is the most wonderful sight

For to it I whispered my heart

Poured my soul

 

And how I wish it was me

Right there

Up in the sky

Making my way through the clouds

And somehow into your arms

Where I always felt safe

 

Mommy, I’m no longer the little girl

You tucked in bed at night

You kissed and held in the bosom of your warmth

I have not seen you in so long

But I know you see me

Someday I know you’ll hold me again

And I can tuck you in bed

Kiss you and never let go

 

While I still can’t

I’ll keep on sending you my love

My little red faithful friend

Always finds its way to you

I know you have not forgotten me

Mommy, I will never forget you

 

So until we meet again

I look up into the sky

Until it’s a blur

Til I can’t see it

And I’m happy

 

I know it will always find you

 

-Red Balloon-

 

 

Gone (Catherine)

alone

I have not stopped and yes, I have willed every ounce of my being to at least try, yet I just cannot.

There is this part, no make it half of me that still waits.

Yes wait as if the hands of time would move in my favor and stop on that fateful day, on those seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years you were mine.

I have moved on. That was what I wanted, what I needed you to believe.

Time they say can heal those wounds.

Enough time has passed me by yet here are my wounds, open, bleeding, fresh.

It was the right thing to do.

And here I am with all the right things I wish I never did, with all the wrong things I want so much to do.

Here are the words I never spoke, the call I never made, the dress I wore but not for you.

Amelia- a letter to the one

Dear Love,

I still write pieces of poetry on table napkins in every coffee shop I go to. I still leave them there hoping one day you’re going to read one of them and know deep inside you that you are loved and that someone you have not met yet have been waiting patiently for you. Please come soon. Maybe right now you’re stuck in a relationship and she may still be making you happy, or maybe you’re in a bus ride to nowhere trying to figure life out on your own. I hope you find your way to me soon because I would love to write poems knowing I can read them to you and not leave them on the side. Please find your way to me because I know now that we can be happy and still long for the light at dusk. I get tired trying on shoes that will never fit me and I needed you to see that somewhere in this world, some hands fit better together than shoes or promises.

I want you to know that sad songs don’t bother me anymore but that everytime they do play, I ache for you and wonder where you are. You will have wonderful stories to tell me and I have some sad ones to confide to you. Know that not a day goes by that I don’t long to see you. I wonder, do you look at the waves and shiver at the thought that those waves they belong to the shore and not the ocean? Does it ever cross your mind that a stranger is designed for you with a heart burning like hell and a soul as gentle as the subtle wind? We will not have the answers to questions we seek, but I hope that we are enough– you and I both. You will probably not like my obsession with Disney fairy tales and how I secretly like the nostalgic songs at 3am when I cannot sleep, but I hope you will love me anyway. Please find me in the songs you listen to, in the raindrops that touch your lips, in the scent of your morning coffee or in the careful way you tie your shoe laces. I hope you find me somehow because I see you in the roads I cross, the lightning that dances across the dark grey sky, the lazy sunrise and in the letters I write for you.

So please find me soon. I will complete you and you will complete me and that’s all that matters.

I love you.

See you very soon.

All my love,

Kizia